Dreams of the Heart
by XD-385
Summary: Fate has not been kind. Nightmare Moon, the Princess of Dreams, longs for the man who restored her to Equestria's throne alongside her sisters, knowing that his heart belongs to another. Unable to bring herself to sever her feelings for the one man who had ever won her heart, she finally brings herself to commit a grave sin. To make him her own within the world of dreams.


How long has it been since I returned to the throne of Equestria alongside my sisters? A full year? Perhaps two? Certainly it has not been three. And yet, it feels as if a brief lifetime has passed by my eyes. Much like a year in the eyes of a child.

Since the day my sisters crowned me, the Princess of the Dawn and the Princess of the Night, I have reigned alongside them with a title of my own. Nightmare Moon, the Princess of Dreams. I bring sweet slumber to all when the moon rises, banishing nightmares from dreaming minds. My sister, dear Luna, and me work in perfect unison like two halves to a whole to bring the night's truest majesty into full bloom.

The people of Equestria have slowly come to accept me not as a demon or villain, but as what I have always been. A true princess of Equestria. I could not be happier. Or at least, that is how I should be. And yet, I am still left wanting. While the acceptance and adoration of my people has indeed brought me joy, there is one thing I crave more than anything within the entire cosmos. And despite that, I know I will never acquire it.

I did not return to the throne on my own. I was rescued by someone I never once expected to meet. The first person who had ever come forward and praised me for weaving the night. And a human, no less. The first human man I had met in centuries. And on the night he finally secured my return to the throne, I… My heart… It now belongs to him.

There are no words to describe how hotly my love burns for him. Hotter than even my mother's great sun. I never once even dreamed that I would ever feel this way for any man. I, the mighty Princess of Dreams, now a slave to my heart's wiles. If I could, I would make him my king. I have known him for quite some time now. And our bond… It goes beyond being merely strong. Much as my sisters are to each other, I have found that…he is my other half. He is the light to my shadow. The sun to my moon. Our chemistry is perfect. There is no reason we should not have each other. And yet…I can never be his.

Even now, in the humble town of Ponyville, he resides with his wife. Fluttershy, the bearer of the Element of Kindness. And they have recently welcomed the birth of their daughter. I do feel happy for them. I truly do. And yet…I have never felt such seething envy. Even the envy I felt towards Celestia centuries ago is dwarfed by this burning anger and sorrow in my heart. But I cannot allow it to show. I cannot bear allowing my feelings to drive us apart. I know he is precious to her and her to him. They mesh well, that much I can see. But that knowledge does nothing to dull the burning pain in my heart.

I constantly wear a mask to hide my agony with every passing day. Although some are not fooled. My sisters are fully aware of the turmoil that rages in my heart. They make certain that such knowledge never leaves their lips, bless their souls. And whenever I meet him, that wonderful man… He is somewhat aware of my feelings as well. But I strongly doubt he can truly fathom how much I crave him. He who is the chain that binds me to the throne and to my people. When we meet, he is always so loving to me. So tender with his touch. Our time together in recent months only served to strengthen our bond. And yet I remain gravely unsatisfied.

Day after day, week after week, I ask myself the same question. We were clearly meant for each other. He would have made a fine king with myself by his side as his queen. And yet, it has not come to be. And I have asked myself many evenings before I sleep. Why.

I fail to understand… Why am I so cursed to never receive what I truly desire? Is this punishment for my misdeeds so long ago, despite having been forgiven and accepted by all I had been reviled by?

No… I will not endure this any longer. It was meant to be. I know it. I can see it in his eyes. He knows it too! But…I cannot bring myself to interfere with his relationship with his wife. Especially now that they have a darling child to raise together. And so…I will settle for the next best prize.

There was a time not so long ago that I made a bold move. I visited my beloved in his dreams. And then, on that night alone, I revealed my heart to him. And it was that night that I discovered just how strongly he truly felt for me. Feelings that he had kept buried until my love brought them to the surface. Feelings I could not allow him to remember upon awakening. That night, he became my king. And I his queen. And the only one who remembers is myself.

But this time, it will not end with just one visit into his dreaming mind. No, I will no longer settle for such a pittance. I am the Princess of Dreams. The world of dreams is mine to weave as I see fit, where I reign supreme! And I will weave the world that should have been. A world where he and I can finally…finally be what we were meant to be.

The moon has risen high into the beautiful night sky. I too have fulfilled my duty for the evening, my spell having been cast. All over the vast land, many are sleeping. Dreaming. And among them, my beloved rests his head as well.

I stand within my chambers, my gaze directed towards the glowing pale crescent in the vast blue canvas above the palace. Many times, such a thought has passed through my mind. Only now I have amassed the courage and daring to finally carry it out. I must be strong… I know what it is I desire. And there is nothing standing between me and finally claiming what it is I crave and deserve.

I prepare myself. My eyes are tired as I remove my royal garments and drape myself in the covers on my bed. My pillow is soft, as it always is. I am eager to drift off into slumber, but not before I prepare my spell. My horn is billowing with my magic aura, the spell set to take effect. My eyes close, and my mind begins to wander. My body relaxes. And soon, I awaken.

I find myself standing within a vast moonlit field. It almost feels familiar. No, I must not allow myself to be distracted by nostalgia. I have a task to carry out. And I must hurry before my courage begins to fade.

I can feel him. His dreaming mind. And so, I begin the first step. I focus, and begin to merge my dreaming consciousness with his own. His dream becomes mine and mine becomes his. We are becoming linked. Not quite the same as merely visiting a dream, I can see vague images and shapes before I wipe them clean. Our dream is now a blank slate. A canvas for me to paint.

This is no mere dream I am about to weave. I am not going to weave a temporary spectacle for us to witness. I shall weave an entire world for us. A world where we can finally belong to each other only when we dream together, our minds as one.

I begin to weave images and landscapes from my memories. Vast fields of green and brown flow over the land. A familiar town begins to rise at the foot of a mountain that towers nearby. A great city juts from the mountainside from where I will reign. And in these two settlements, countless ponies begin to appear from nothingness. Faces I am familiar with. And yet, as I weave this world before me…I feel a powerful fear pulling at my heart. A nagging guilt.

The more colorful this world becomes… The more real it seems, the more I realize just how…sinful this is. My expression of wonder has become one of subtle horror. This… This is so wrong… And yet, I cannot cease my weaving. This is my chance to finally gain what should be rightfully mine. My love for him is true. And despite this, even I can see just how potentially vile this act is.

It is selfish… I know it is selfish, and yet, I cannot stop myself! It is not fair that he is not mine! And I have seen that look in his eyes. He too wonders what could have been. So…why deny us this privilege?

My horror remains with me as I craft one last safeguard. His memories. Those that would conflict with his life in this world must remain locked away until the moment he awakens. And every memory he gains will be sealed away, inaccessible until his dreaming mind merges with mine once more to bring this world back into existence. His time in this dream world must not be allowed to influence his life in the real world. I must not allow that. It must be avoided at all costs.

I am…manipulating him so much… What would he do if he ever learned of this? I love you so much, my darling… And yet I feel so disgusted with myself. I will not manipulate your feelings towards me, my love. That much I will not dare force upon you. Our bond will grow naturally. As we would both want it to.

It is done. This world is now complete. Equestria lies before me; identical to the world my body now slumbers in. Identical in all but a few miniscule details. It is ready…and yet, I feel doubt weighing me down.

This world is as still as stone. A painting before my eyes that will spring to life the instant I give it that tiny spark to set it into motion. And once I do, my influence over it will become all but nonexistent. A world sustained by his and my lives that fades and returns like a mirage whenever we wake and dream together.

My heart is heavy as I bring myself to my chambers within the eerily silent palace within Canterlot. This is quite possibly…the most desperate and wretched thing I will have ever done… But my heart will not allow me to stop. I must do this. And only I will know of it. This world will only be known by me and no one else on the outside. This will be my most precious secret. A second life.

And so… The spark is cast.

The world feels…different now. Alive. Real. Hardly at all like a dream. And yet, I know full well that I am dreaming. Despite this fact, I feel rested. I am lying upon my bed and am fully awake. I hear the faint blowing of wind outside my window. I hear the tweeting of songbirds on my windowsill. I pull myself from my bed. Is this world truly alive?

I find my royal garments resting nearby and place them upon myself. A quick glance in the mirror and I am greeted by a familiar alicorn mare of great beauty. I see myself smile, my flowing wavering mane free of tangles. My sisters are often jealous of how infrequently I awaken with my mane and tail not requiring any attention. And this morning is no exception.

I leave my chambers and step out into the hall. Sunlight is shining in through the windows that line the far wall of the hallway. I see a few guards making their rounds. As they pass me, they give me very brief greetings much like they would if I was walking the halls in the real world. Still, I have to be certain of just how real this new world is. I need to find my sisters.

I proceed down the stairs of the main hall, my hooves echoing throughout the empty room. A pair of guards are stationed near the towering doorway at the far end of the chamber, the doors having been left open due to fair weather. I briefly greet the guards as I pass by, the two of them acknowledging my words. I step out into the palace's garden, the chirping of songbirds filling the air. My sisters often take a morning stroll through the garden to start their days. I often do as well, though with less frequency.

I feel a gentle breeze through the trees, a few leaves snapping off and being carried by the wind. As I walk, a robin flutters by. It pays me little mind, though I feel compelled to follow. And before long, the tiny bird leads me to who I am searching for. Seated before a small elegant cast iron table is my eldest sister. Celestia, Princess of the Dawn.

She sips from her teacup, several fruit pastries spread out before her on a platter. I hesitate to approach her. She seems so real. So alive, much like how she is in the real world. And soon, she looks my way. She gives me that smile she always does when she sees me in the morning. She beckons me to join her, which I do. In mere seconds, I forget that she is merely an illusion brought to life and accept her as 'reality' in this new world.

I join her for breakfast, finding the tea and the pastries to feel and taste quite real. It is all too easy to forget that this world is merely an illusion on the lids of my eyes. For the moment, I observe her. I know she is merely a part of this dream world, a creation of mine. And yet, she soon notices the rather distant gaze I am casting towards her. She lets out an awkward chuckle, asking me why I am giving her such a look. I suppose there is no reason for me to be so distant. Dream or no dream, Celestia is my sister. And even here, she is exactly as she has always been.

I allow myself to relax and indulge in her company. We converse while we dine, discussing simple things such as the weather, any of those so-called 'friendship reports' she receives from the bearers of the Elements of Harmony and even my beloved from time to time, and more important subjects such as visits to settlements such as Manehattan and Cloudsdale. For being a dream, it feels so routine… So typical. It…frightens me just how real this world is. Just what have I created?

Finally, I find myself having become settled in this new realm. Now it was time to set in motion my most sacred desires. I stand up from the table and speak of my intention to visit Ponyville for the day. Celestia smiles in understanding and prepares to send for two guards to accompany per protocol, though I am quick to silence her. I explain to her that the reasons behind my visit are highly personal and I wish to do so alone and that I have put much planning into it.

My sister gives me a rather impish smirk as she hears my words. If she knows as much as she does in the real world, then she surely can hazard a guess as to what my intentions are. And without delay, she does. My sister asks if I am visiting Ponyville for the sole purpose of spending time with my dear friend. Of course, that brief delay in her words clearly showed that she was implying something far deeper than mere friendship. Which she is wise to assume.

I have always been able to place my trust in my sisters and I felt that now was no exception. And so, I spoke the truth. How I had been withholding my heart's desires for far too long. That starting today, I would begin taking the first steps to making my beloved mine. And to making me his.

Celestia barely showed any surprise at all. She has known for quite some time that my feelings for him go far beyond friendship. She evenly jokingly pokes fun at just how long she had been wondering when I was going to make the first move. Of course, she is also quick to draw attention to the obvious complications of such a relationship. I am a true member of the Equestrian royal family, the Princess of Dreams. And he is not only a mere commoner, but not even from this world at all. What would Mother and Father say?

Of course, I give an honest response. I care not for how others would perceive me for the unconditional love I hold for him. To me, there is no one more important in my life. My sister smiles broadly, completely agreeing with my resolve. She is also quick to remind me that at that moment he remains unspoken for, much to my relief. But I must be quick. With how much time has passed since his arrival in Equestria, it is quite possible that even in this world of dreams I have woven myself, it is possible somepony is pining for him. I thank my sister for her encouragement and spread my sable wings. With a few flaps, I take to the air and soar over the palace's walls. Far below me, my destination is visible. Ponyville.

As I descend on currents of wind, my eyes take in my surroundings. This world… Woven from nothing and given form… It feels so real and familiar, yet vaguely alien to me. What have I created… This world is… I must be careful as I carry my will out. This… I fear this could become addictive to me.

I can see many of my subjects going about their business far below me. Tiny little specks of a rainbow of colors. It amazes me of just how aware they are of themselves and of the world around them. I am beginning to wonder… Are they mere illusions? Or are they living entities? This world draws a fine line between existence and nonexistence. Surely only he and I truly exist here.

Just as I am about to make my final descent to the town below, a thought occurs to me. My beloved in the real world resides in a cottage just beyond the western edge of town. I suppose it would be wise to investigate there first. And so I allow the wind to carry me west and over the town below me. I can already see it. A humble cottage standing at the very edge of the vast Everfree Forest. Gathering around it were numerous tiny creatures ranging from birds to woodland rodents. And at the center of them all was the mare I was hoping to see. The bearer of the Element of Kindness herself. Fluttershy.

I descended towards her while calling out and wishing her a pleasant morning. The timid pegasus was understandably surprised by my approach with many of the tiny animals scattering in fear. I can hardly blame them. Even now, my abnormal form comes off as unnatural and even frightening. However, Fluttershy remained where she stood, showing no fear, as she knows me quite well.

Once I had landed before her, I wasted no time in asking her for the information I sought. I spoke hypothetically, feigning ignorance as I asked her if my beloved James resides within her cottage. She seems rather baffled by my question and retorts, claiming that he resides not with her, but with the bearer of the Element of Generosity and has done so since he arrived here quite some time ago.

I was genuinely surprised to hear this. With Rarity? If such was the case, I had to be quick. I am all too aware of the powerful feelings she holds for him in the real world. I know that I went to great lengths to twist and adjust her heart's desires when I weaved this world, but I cannot be too sure. I had to be quick and reach him before she could take the first step in claiming his heart. I created this world and I will not be denied while I remain in it!

I thanked dear Fluttershy and departed as swiftly as I could, my wings being carried on the wind. Ponyville passed below me as I soared along, reaching my destination in mere moments. I landed before the elegant home of the bearer of the Element of Generosity. The so-called Carousel Boutique. I breathed deeply to calm my nerves. I must not seem desperate or panicked. For all I knew, he could be on the other side of that door.

Very gently, I nudge the door open. I hear a bell ring just above me. And sure enough, there she stood. Rarity. She turned to face me and was in the process of greeting me much like a typical customer before she realized just whom she was addressing. She bowed before me and welcomed me into her home. True to her virtue, she offered her services to me right away.

Of course, I was not there to request from her a new gown or shimmering golden shoes. I asked her casually if indeed James resided within her home. She replied in kind, confirming it as true. However, he was due to appear at the local spa as one of the masseuses in a couple of hours. In fact, she informed me that he had only just awoken not even an hour ago.

Yes… The moment I awoke in this world, he did as well. Rarity then informed me that he was likely upstairs bathing to prepare himself for the day. I asked if I could perhaps meet with him upstairs, to which she agreed.

I trotted up the stairs at the far end of the workroom and found myself in the loft. I could already hear the familiar muffled sound of water raining down onto a stone floor. My heart was in my throat as I drew near the first door I saw in the hall. With a magical grasp, I slowly turned the handle and peeked inside. The room was filled with a thing layer of steam. Just slightly, I nudged the door open and spoke into the room before me. I called out his name, which prompted a reply from a voice I know all too well. He was in this room and there was nothing between us.

Strangely enough, he mistook my voice that of the beautiful unicorn downstairs. Rather odd there, seeing as how our voices are clearly not alike. Still, I felt a chuckle escape my lips before I spoke my name. He clearly sounded flustered and asked what I was doing there at that moment. And I… I wanted to speak the truth. But it was far too soon for that. I must pace myself. If I rush into this, I may frighten him off. Patience, Nightmare Moon. Good fortune comes to those who wait.

I speak false words, telling him that I merely wished to speak to him before he departed to perform his duties. Words that he accepted as truth. He then asked me to remain outside until he had finished bathing and had clothed himself. Despite being rather…intrigued at the thought of seeing him bare, I complied with his request and departed. I did not go far, choosing to remain outside the room. Soon… Soon I will see him. The one being in this entire world aside from myself who is not a mere illusion.

Minutes go by. I hear the sound of falling water cease. Faint shuffling reaches my ears. And then, the door opens. And it is then that my lips fail to speak words when they should. He stands before me. Clad in simple attire, dark brown hair still moist and freshly combed, he casts his gaze towards me. James, the bearer of the Element of Humanity. And the one man in my very long life to have ever claimed my heart.

I want to step forward and embrace him. And yet, my hooves refuse to move from where they stand. But I do not need to. He reaches out and catches me in an embrace of his own. His touch… It is…subtle. Yet, I can feel it. Not the touch of an image projected by my dreaming mind. The touch of a near and dear loved one. This man… This world… Success. He and I are together in this world crafted by my own hooves.

A long sigh escapes my lips. My leg gently wraps around him as well while I fall silent. At long last, it can begin. He and I… We can finally be what we are meant to be.

He greets me with a smile and gently caresses my face and neck with his tender fingers. If only he knew the true feelings that lie dormant within his heart. Feelings that I have witnessed only once and only I remember. He then asks what brings me to Ponyville, especially with the noticeable absence of any guards in my company. As much as I desire to speak my heart, I withhold those sacred words and merely speak of my desire to spend some time with him. As long as he will permit.

He is clearly caught unprepared by my words, although I can tell he is also pleased by them. He would never resist my company. He wholeheartedly agrees to allow me to join him. Due to still having an hour or two before he must report to the spa to fulfill his duties, he invites me to accompany him for a walk through the local park. An invitation I hastily accept.

We proceed down the stairs and are greeted by Rarity once more. Our chat is short-lived as James informs her that he wishes to enjoy some quality time with me. The beautiful seamstress sees us off with a smile and goes back to looking over a sketch on a sheet of parchment, apparently a blueprint for her next masterpiece.

As we begin to venture into Ponyville proper, I remain by his side. He is silent, as he normally is. He is a timid and sensitive man, preferring to let his partner begin the conversation more often than not. Although this time, I cannot. No words come. For the first time since I first met that man deep within the Everfree Forest, his heart does not belong to another. And between he and I, I can feel that most sacred connection. He is to me as the sun is to the moon. And he knows it too. I cannot bring any words forward. I am absolutely content just being by his side. With nopony to come between us. This is just the beginning, my love…

However, it came to an end all too soon. I noticed the world around me fade and flicker ever so slightly. I felt a type of weight apply to my body just before the world faded and I was greeted by the sight of a familiar wall. I had awakened. And the morning sun was shining through my window.

I halfheartedly bring myself to a sitting position. That dream… It was far too brief. Or was it? Just how much time did I waste weaving that world? But still… Even if brief, it was still a success. And now… I have never felt more hopeful.

I stand before the window. It faces west, towards the humble town where my beloved is now awakening. His memories of that identical dream world are now safely locked away; ready to be returned to him the instant his and my dreaming minds merge once more. Of course, it still must be refined. I must make certain that the flow of time in that world is inverted so it lasts longer than the night itself. Any fool can tell you that the night does not last quite as long as the day. I know I can make it happen. The next time he and I meet there, it will be for a full day. And yet…

…Why do I feel a tear trickle down my cheek? That dream… It was brief, yet so beautiful. This is finally the chance I have sought, and yet… I cannot forget that it is still just a dream. He and I are flesh and blood, even within this new world, and yet… In the end…

No… I will not dwell on that. If I can finally taste the true unfettered joy that comes from us being what we are meant to be together, then I will endure whatever agony I must to see it become a reality. Even if only in this false world. The world may be an illusion, but our love… It is as real as we are.

I must prepare for the day. I must keep up appearances. None must know of this new world I have woven. Nopony must ever see it besides him. Although I feel it would be wise to forego visiting that world for another night. To let he and I rest and to dream freely. I must pace myself.

The cogs have begun to turn. If my calculations are correct, finally… Finally, my dream… It will finally be a reality… Even if only as he and I dream together of what could have been. But…even then, dreams are but another reality.

Wait for me, my beloved. Soon, you and I will be together once more. In a world where you and I will reign. I love you, my king. I will see you again soon. Very soon…


End file.
